Well here we go... another Wordpad style update. It's many many days later, and I still can't update really. Hopefully I'll be back up in a few days. Then I'll have a million bazillion updates to make. I will write analyses, essays, a doctorate, at least three comical stories narrative style, and I will post no less than 10 pictures of interesting things. I hope to win back my audience (of like 4 readers), but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Then I'll do a massive site update where I update every single section with something. Should be a lot of work... I'm looking forward to getting all drunk on Halloween and thinking about it. Maybe I'll think of some fun contest to have to attract new readers too, and interest the old readers. Everyone likes a contest. Halloween is tomorrow, and I had grandiose plans to be Lara Croft (because I'd make such a good Tomb Raider), but I don't know how well all of that is going to work out. Have to go shopping tonight to see if I still can't find goddamn thigh holsters. I may just have to settle for some kind of pointy eared plain clothes'd pixie or something retarded heh. Well I wasn't PLANNING on winning any contests ANYWAYS.

Well... I won't be updating zombeef probably for a few days here. On a totally unrelated note, my boss got arrested this weekend. Something like 30 FBI, Denver Police, and SWAT guys went and "collected" him. So I guess he's in jail now. Watch the news for it! Interesting stuff. I have homework to do unfortunately, boo hoo.

Was Eve Right?

Being a woman is pretty okay with me. As I see it, the whole Adam and Eve thing is a little foolish the way the Bible tells it. I mean, it's just kind of a stupid story. You have God, who is supposedly all knowing, all smart, all full of wisdom, omnipotent blah blah. This God supposedly just decides one day to make an earth. That's a fine idea. In my opinion, the history of mankind is the greatest book that'll never be written. But, this all-smart God decides to make man and woman, and throw them in this garden with a tree whose fruit makes you smart, and a snake. So the first action God does with his new little interactive creations is test them to see if they'd want to be like him. Well, if God is really God, do you really suppose he was all that surprised when Eve took a bite of that apple? Of COURSE she did, because God is really cool. Who WOULDN'T want to be like God? Why are we all pretending it's such a bad thing? I mean, is it bad because God said so? When your parents would tell you not to do something "just because"... did that make you not want to do it? Or did that make you want to do it more? God must've known that, or he wouldn't really be filling his "all-knowing" britches very well. So either God knew, or he isn't all knowing. So then Eve is like "Well okay, I want to be smart,", so she takes a bite, and shares with Adam. Who gets yelled at though? Eve. "But Adam did it too, God!" is no excuse I guess. Whatever. It's a banishable offense when a woman wants to be smart, isn't it. So God has a hissy fit when his creations do what he should've known they'd do, and tosses them out of Eden or whatever. Yeah, okay. Terrible story.

And upon this terrible initial story, you build an entire book, all essentially about getting into heaven, or going to hell. More perfect places, or imperfect places, where your final destination is determined by whether you pass some test. Wonderful. Whatever.

Eve was right though. Eve did the right thing. Or did she? That God actually punished her for wanting to be like him is petty. That he punished her for desiring wisdom and doing what it took to acquire it when the only reason she shouldn't have it is because he said so, is ludicrous. But it brings up an interesting point in my mind, something I've been coming back to fairly often in my life. Sometimes I am so frustrated and desperate that I start to wonder, what has taken the path of knowledge ever done for me? It's a bit lofty to say "the path of knowledge", I realize, so let me explain. There are people that go through their entire lives completely oblivious to anything outside themselves. They don't read the news, they don't care when things happen, they don't care about what's going on in the world or around them. They don't think, they just feel. They just feel, and react. I have always despised this method of living and thought that it was despicable, and not noble, and not for me. But sometimes I wonder if I'd be a lot happier as one of those people. That is the final question. They say ignorance is bliss. What then, is knowledge? What good has it done for me? When I read news articles I just get pissed off, or disgusted. I watch the news, and if I think about the shit that's going on in the world, I think sometimes my head will explode. So I wonder, would I be better off completely ignorant? I tie this into the Bible and Genesis by putting myself in Eve's position. Knowing what I know now, would I, in Eve's position, still take that apple?

I usually think that I would. I think that I would take it, and God would toss my ass out, and I'd laugh in his face. Because I would think knowledge and wisdom is far greater than any kind of bland unsuffering lifestyle you could offer. I think that most of the time. But sometimes I don't. Was Eve right? Is it right to desire knowledge and wisdom, and to seek greater understanding? It seems right. But is it better? As a race we wouldn't be where we are without people taking that apple, and chosing to think, and rationalize, rather than feel, and react. But are we better as a race? I don't really know.

If we never knew what it was like to be hungry, how would we ever know what it was like to be satisfied? If we never got hurt doing anything, how would we know the exhiliration of taking a risk? If we never knew how hard something could be for us, how would we ever feel the joy of accomplishment?

Added another new section, My past! Fine design I think... probably won't be much there but who cares!

Think if becoming a doctor was really easy. I bet people instead of having their cars stolen and their stereos stolen, would have kidneys and other expendable body parts stolen more. It's probably a good thing it takes so much school to be a doctor.

Check this out... I bought nailpolish that is just like the paint they use on cars sometimes to make them two colors depending on the angle. Seems to be the most common with turquoise and purple. My nail polish is green and then pink. Pretty spiffy. If you like that kind of crap.

What do: coke, kleenex's, and unix have in common? I will tell you tomorrow.

I'm really tired. I haven't got much sleep the last two nights... had to get up too early. I don't really remember being at work today... I just remember kind of showing up and being confused about the weather and going home again more confused about the weather. Colorado doesn't treat us hungover/generally tired crowd very well I don't think.

I bought two GAP sweaters at the thrift store for $8. Yeah... I'm that kind of nut. I buy GAP clothes from the thrift store. It's gratifying anyhow, when you can find a real brand amongst all the wacky 80's shit they always stock at thrift stores. I was thinking that if churches or coalitions or whoever really wanted to help people, they'd bring back all the styles of the 80's, so that poor little kids could still be stylish while shopping at the Salvation Army. Or if they weren't going to do that, they'd at least help to eliminate fashion in general. Maybe in the future all the clothes from the 80's will be really novel, like the way we look at roaring 20's dresses and whatnot. Seems totally ridiculous to think about now. Have to wait a few decades I guess. Maybe my clothes will be in some museum somewhere in a hundred years. I bet the people that do have clothes in museums never would've imagined such a thing while they were alive. That means I can imagine it, and it won't be totally off base, because they didn't. Yeah. Maybe I should start separating my lights from my darks! That seems like an awful lot of work.

If you could put one thing in a time capsule for someone to find in a hundred years, what would you put in it? I was thinking my harddrive, but maybe by then they wouldn't still have old computers laying around to read it. So then it'd be some neat silly project for some college kid to explore, the life of a girl that lived a hundred years earlier on these same grounds, who kept all her life on this ridiculously inefficient system of plates and magnets that could just "crash" sometimes. It'll be really silly... like a Star Trek episode maybe. I hope so. I always liked that Next Generation. I like to think I'm part of the Next Generation, because it's the generation of star trek I watched. We should classify people by Star Trek generations I think. I didn't especially like any of the chicks from Next Generation... dunno if I'd want to say "You can call me Tasha" or whatever. I guess if I had to choose one, I'd say Deanna Troi was probably the best one, with the coolest powers. I'd just want the powers. She was kind of like an X-Men! X-Man. X-Woman. Whatever. Boy am I tired. I think if I had to pick a favorite Star Trek character, I probably couldn't. But if I really HAD to ANYWAYS, I'd probably pick Picard. He seemed the least fucked up. I liked Data... but he doesn't really count. And he was kind of gay. I always liked Picards little side stories best. I guess that show was kind of remarkable in that everyone usually wound up being generally equally good at the end. Maybe not Q. But everyone else. Exceptionally good... like really moral and correct. I don't think we get that in tv so much any more. Bit idealistic of course, but I'm pretty alright with that.

They said on the news that the FCC ruled that it's okay for tv stations to say the f-word if it's not in any kind of reference to sex. That's pretty cool... I knew if I just said fuck enough it'd catch on. I'm such a trendsetter. You're thinking of copying me right now. Fuck! G'night.

Forty Days of Purpose... The Rest- Meaningless!

You know your religion sucks when...
You have to declare special days to be a good person!

I've been busy. Homework... work. The rest is a blur. I'm going to list all the things wrong with me real quick.

Petty
Antisocial
Elitest
Unreliable
Abstract
Stubborn
Bitter
Unkind
Prideful
Hypocritical
Menacing
Foolish

That's all pretty vague. Now I'm going to list the shit really wrong with me.

I think working on meaningless webpages is more important than 90% of social interaction, and I prefer it.
I hate people because I think I'm better than everyone so I think everyone is a waste of my time.
I don't have A's because I'm smart... I have A's because I feel inadequate in other areas of my life so I compensate by being an overachiever at school as if it carried some meaning.
I hate drinking at bars because I can think of a million ways I'd rather spend my money than for social interaction.
I whine about my job but I'm not going to quit or get a better one.
I whine about my coworkers and bosses, but see above.
I own a lot of reference books I'm never going to read.
I wear glasses I don't need to because I think they make me look smart.
I have had many unsuccessful relationships in which I have been called such things as but not limited to: a heartless bitch, an ice queen, an insensitive bitch, cold, uncaring, etc, all of which have been true.
I have trouble saying nice things about people or to people because I have "closeness" issues.
My hair is full of split ends.
I hate people that speak up and argue about shit in my English class because I'm not one of those people.
I say obnoxious college kid things like "theoretically" "philosophically" "logically" and "fundamentally".
I talk too much.
I do a lot of the things that bother me about other people... like go on and on about myself (see above 40something instances of "I").
I bite my fingernails.
I ask people what they think about something then don't take their advice.
I tell aimless, pointless stories to hear myself talk.
I'm wrong about shit all the time (like thinking the population of America was 4 billion people).

Guess that's all I've got for today. Anyways I was thinking recently about how I annoy the fuck out of myself sometimes so I decided that I should stop doing that, which starts with listing all that shit and fixing it all. I'm sure I'm going to be a better person in no time! I'm even annoying the fuck out of myself right now hehe... dammit.

I'll make fun of Christians for having little "40 Days of Purpose" things, but I'm a total fuckup too, every day. I guess that's life. I think it's funny anyways. Jesus might not. I'm going to curl my hair now... because I'm afraid if I don't look good people aren't going to like me.

Well... I had a great birthday. My brother gave me a really nice computer chair to replace the sad little folding chair I'd had for like 2 years. My mom gave me an Xbox with Enter the Matrix and the new Ghost Recon. And I got myself a 21" monitor (with the help of term, it weighs more than me practically), fuh-reaking huge. Really great stuff... I'm really happy, and lucky. Oh, and I'm twenty-three. A really young looking twenty-three.

I know one of these days I'm going to have to actually get serious about being an adult. Stop swearing all the time... stop wearing the tshirts I wore in high school with the same old jeans... cooking real food instead of macaroni and cheese and pizza all the time. It seems so depressing though. Worrying about your health... your 401K... your insurance bills... not being allowed to ride your grocery cart through the parking lot any more. Yeah I'll have to be some kind of adult eventually. Maybe after I'm out of college heh. I could go for a master's if that's the case!

This is what is on my desktop now... from a picture I took at the zoo.
Water is pretty... I wish I lived somewhere with more of it.

I've been thinking about the last year of my life. Here's a quick year in review... the good things that stand out most to me anyways. I started volunteering for the guy that's my boss now about a year ago. I learned unix, scripting, perl, some javascript, am learning java. I built and set up a linux box that's running redhat and apache. I built my brother's computer, bought a lot of fish, got a new car from my brother, averaged a 3.9 GPA, got part I of my solaris admin cert, made lots and lots of webpages. I started jamesondesigns... have like 1.5 customers.

I guess if I was really on a mission and if noone else wanted to keep me from it, I probably could've done all of that in the course of a few months. Oh well.

Goals I'd like to accomplish by this time next year in no particular order (incomplete as well I imagine):

I should be able to do the majority of that list. I have real doubts though, about learning how to cook and being able to stand any girl long enough to call her my friend. Maybe I'll keep a checklist going.

I guess I can post an actual update on a prior post. I had mentioned a few days ago having to learn European capitals for a geography test. This turned into something a bit tricky. See, I had made flash cards, which is always the best way to memorize shit like that. So I knew those damn capitals pretty good. But the test on Monday contained no such section on capitals. I was mildly annoyed, but I didn't regret learning them or anything. But THEN, we had the capitals test today, and it turned out to be extra credit.

The really great part is that it's going to be graded on a curve, and I did fucking great. I only missed I think like 3 of probably 45 or so. It's notable that all those "stan" countries I was bitching about aren't European, so I didn't need to know those. I am so smrt. Anyways... I was taking the test and just sailing along and I was really happy. Then I realized everyone else was having a really hard time. And I just smiiiiiled. I'm going to screw those kids over so bad. Grading on a curve is really funny. It allows me, as someone that actually studies but is totally powerless in real life, the ability to fuck over every person in my class that didn't. The loser is the winner! I am the all powerful overachiever! Fear me! Too bad it's only extra credit and not uhh... world domination.

That really makes me laugh still. If it weren't for me, the highest grade would probably be like a 20 or something, and everyone would get extra credit. But I'm going to be that bastard everyone hates that screws it all up for everyone. You might be thinking, why would you want to be the bastard Sarah, why? Well I will explain it. Because if it wasn't me, it'd be someone else, and I'D be the one getting fucked over. Dog eat dog world!

Boy, you know your life is lame when the highlight of your whole month is ruining a curve for a bunch of people you don't know.

I guess I could get pretty cocky about how I'm all smart and shit. I got a 95% on the other geography test I took Monday... and a 100% on the take home exam. I COULD get pretty cocky... but then I have a 20% math quiz grade to keep me in line and remind me everyones a fucking idiot at something. And math is the only thing I'm MENTIONING.

Well, if you ever wanted to find out how to hide your email address from spammers (at least make an effort to anyhow), here ya go: Doesn't get much easier than this.

I guess for the hell of it I'm going to post all the little javascripts I use here. I didn't write any of them or anything... although I did slightly alter the one that posts the date (aptly named clock). They're linked as text/html files so you can read them from the web... if you wanted to use any of them you'd copy and paste all the text, and save it as whatever.js and then copy whatever method I used from the source of this page to link to them. Don't forget to change the stuff in the actual files to your settings rather than mine, i.e. in the mailto.js, change my address to your address (dumbass).

Fades links:	fade.js
Date (yes poorly named):	clock.js
Time:	liveclock_lite.js
Hide email address: (I changed mine to accomodate a picture link, click here to see the original):	mailto.js

So many thoughts,
I collect throughout the day.
I bring them all home,
Like coins to be tossed in a jar.
I forget them until I need them again.
They wait, idle, kinetic, full of potential.
They rattle inside my head,
Like the change in my pockets.
They wait to be spent, to be useful, again.

Well I had to post SOMETHING.

Sometimes I get really tired of school. It just pisses me off. I just get really pissed... and it's irrational... and I'm very angry at it. Like today. I'm taking this geography test, and I'm about 20 minutes in when I realize I'm doing something totally wrong. I did it wrong partly because I'm an idiot, but also partly because my teacher writes lousy instructions. So anyways I didn't finish the test... but I would've, had I had another 20 minutes. Go figure. I think about how my teacher could've just been slightly less vague in his instructions (nothing bad said about my teacher however), and I would've got an A, rather than a B. This annoys the hell out of me.

Then I'm trying to do my math homework... but it's all hard. And sometimes I really can't focus worth a darn, and 40 minutes before my class with two math lessons to do this just happened to be the case. More concepts missed, another night wasted catching up on everything I should've already known, just before the test. This annoys the hell out of me too.

Anyhow... sometimes I really like school... most of the time even. But sometimes I really, really hate it. I sit in my English class, where I have this great teacher. He's the department chair (only has two legs though... weird hehe) for the English department, however you phrase that. He has a Ph.D and all this shit... he's a really smart guy, very interesting, and I really like his class. He has good things to say and good observations to make, and I feel lucky to have got a teacher that knows his shit so well and actually wants to take the time to teach it to kids like me so energetically and well. But I have to take this class with like 15 other idiots.

I think about this guy, this guy who's spent so much time learning so much stuff. I think how he is so wise, and so well versed in so many things, and then I think about the girl I sat next to one day that rolled her eyes at something he said and told me she disliked him because he took his job so seriously and used big words. I think about how she said he only used big words to look smart and make his students feel stupid, and I think about how I told her that sometimes some big words work a lot better than small words at getting your message across, and how she just gave me this blank indifferent stare in response. I think about how she probably thought I was very stupid just then, and it makes me sad. I think of the kid that made fun of this teacher for putting so much effort into teaching, and getting so involved in his lectures. I want to kill these fucking people. I think of Mozart... playing for a bunch of housewives chatting to eachother about whatever cute thing their dumb kid did that day. I imagine hell for smart people as a place where they're always being misunderstood, and everything they do and say being taken wrong, or just not taken at all. It's such a waste. And it's sad. It makes me really sad.

I guess I always feel kind of sad for my teachers, especially the ones that really do care. I had one teacher for Intro to PC Applications, and there was this lousy bastard of a kid in that class. She would explain something, and he'd be talking or fucking around, and he'd miss it. So then he'd interrupt her and ask her to explain it again. He did that type of shit fairly regularly, and I felt genuinely terrible for my teacher. She kind of gave him lip about it... but she felt obligated to explain it for him again anyways I guess, and so she did. Here's a gal that knows all this shit about all this software... and here's some fucking stupid punkass kid in a band that wears a little black bracelet that's disrespecting her. That really pissed me off.

I guess I just feel too bad for some people. I doubt it's really bothered any of my teachers that much... this kind of stuff. I can understand why they might feel unappreciated anyways. I try to always be really appreciative and respectful of the teachers I've had that actually knew their shit. I don't feel bad for most people... infact I dislike most people and don't really care if they have troubles in their lives because odds are, they're an idiot, and it's warranted. Teachers though... well... it doesn't seem like they ever get the respect they should. Maybe I just go to a shitty college. Maybe the kids are too young and immature to handle this stuff well. Maybe teachers don't give a shit and I'm just being too sensitive about it. I don't know. I just know that sometimes school really pisses me off... and sometimes it makes me really sad.

Well that's kind of funny. I made that post below this one yesterday, but it had Tuesday's date. I guess I'm really stupid.

Big weekend for me. Terminal is moving back to Denver... and he gets here today! 00k's quality of life skyrockets... good time to start buying my stock. So that's cool anyways. I have to learn all the European country capitals by Monday for a geography test. I don't really have to learn them... my teacher said he just wanted to gauge how many we had picked up, and yet it's worth 10% of our test grade, implying it's more than a friendly survey. So I'm going to show him by learning every one. Bastard. Actually he's really cool. Did you know Belgium was a country? I didn't. It's capital is Brussels, in case you're wondering. There are lots of countries that end in "stan", all who have really gay capitals. Uzbekistan (Tashkent), Tajikistan (Dushanbe), Kazahkstan (Astana), Kyrgyzstan (Bishtek), Azerbaijan (close - Baku), Turkmenistan (Ashgabat). I'm probably even missing a few. Are those people uncreative as fuck or what? It's almost like "ville" for city names in America. I guess you'd think they'd be easier to remember since they all end the same. That doesn't seem to be the case though. Instead I just get them all mixed up. I hate the world!

I realized my blog design was the only thing I hadn't updated after all this time. So here we have it... a new design. Isn't it pretty? Can you believe that picture at the top was taken on Federal? There are a few things that aren't done yet, like the Date and Time thing, and that picture of an @ doesn't do anything like it should. I was too excited to get this all up, but I'll all get that working soon.

Sadly, (although not really), those of you still stuck in the dark ages and using 800x600 resolution aren't going to be able to really enjoy this design the way you should. If you see a scrollbar at the bottom of this window going horizontally, odds are you're using 800x600 resolution. There was a time when I was willing to cater to your kind. I made all my graphics smaller and wasted all kinds of space, just so you people wouldn't have to see things messed up. But I'm getting a little tired of doing that. So the way I figure it, you can either get with the times and change your resolution, or you can burn in hell.

In reality, I will probably make an 800x600 version soon and everyone will be happy except me for having to make it. Isn't that life ;)

I archived everything that was on the old design so I could get a nice fresh start html-wise. So if you're looking for stuff I've written recently, go here.

Last thing... Thank you to an Evelyn in California for signing my guestbook and for thinking I'm interesting. I guess I should really respond to everyone that takes the time to sign my guestbook. I'll do that from now on.