04.28.04

Check it... new tank. Sweeet. My fish are movin' on up.

04.28.04

Well, closing in on finals time here. My favorite time of the season. No not really. I've been busy, will keep being busy until this semester is done on May 10th. Then I'm going to lay around for a week, maybe read a book, get a tan, definitely not think about school. Then of course I'll go back.

Remember my car? Yeah me too. It was all red and shiny and perfect for a while. But I guess there are large unseen cosmic forces out there that all come together to piss me off on any given day. I had my car parked at Safeway to do grocery shopping with my mom. Firstly, the lines are awful, and we both notice this middle aged bitch standing with a cart of food looking exceptionally pissed off. We find out why, she's been waiting at the deli for someone to come help her for 25 minutes. Of course everyone waiting around probably realized how retarded it is to wait for help for 25 minutes in one place when obviously no one knows you're there, but she was apparently 25 minutes stupid. Oh, and probably exagerrating. Anyway, she bitches to some manager, and everyone in the store collectively rolls their eyes at the stupid, stupid bitch. She leaves, a few jokes are cracked, and life goes on.

But then I get out to my car to find this rather large, smiley face resembling form of scratch art on my driver side door. I stared at it for a long time... it's like the diameter of a basketball. I think okay, could a cart do this, or is this something malicious? Carts don't make big circles on your car, I know this from experience because of the last time the forces came against me and the wind blew a cart into my car like 2 months ago. That was nothing by comparison. It did make a circle, yes, but it wasn't very deep, and the circle was small, made from the cart hitting my car and then bouncing a little with the impact. This new lovely addition is huge, and right smack in the middle of my door.

So I guess someone really went out of their way to deface my car. Some kid... some random idiot... I don't know. The bitch from the store had a kid, that of course she didn't pay any attention to. Of course my mind goes to that bitch's kid. Anyway, it's clear to me I wasn't meant to have a nice car. I'm nice to people. I let people over in traffic, I even leave them space if they haven't signalled but it looks like they want to get over. I don't tailgate, I don't cut people off, I try to be really, really considerate. I'm kind of bad at parking so if I do a bad job of it, I move my car. Half the time I just park far away to save myself the trouble. I'm conscious of the fact that if you park shitty, your doors will most likely get dinged up. I'm nice to people in real life too. I do my own bagging at the grocery store most of the time, I'm really nice to anyone that helps me and I always say please and thank you. I always put my cart back or in a caddy, I drive slow in parking lots. I never give anyone any attitude, no one in retail, no one in customer service, no one that has to work any of those jobs, because I've been there. I'm really empathetic in this respect. What does it get me though? I'm nice to people, but it doesn't matter when someone sees my poor defenseless pretty red car in a parking lot. Then all the bets are off. Then I might as well be Hitler.

Well needless to say, it makes me really angry, and it makes me really sad. I imagine a day when I'll fix up my car, fix the fender, get it painted. But what really is the point, if all the forces in the world have decided that they should come against me and my car to keep me from achieving peace? It's just sad. I really just can't have anything nice. I'll take a picture of the scratch when I figure out what the hell I did with my camera. I'm thinking of putting big silly decals all over the place just to cover up all the scratches, that'd be wicked. Or gay, who cares.

04.25.04

Well despite having to work (yeah boo hoo, like 9 hours out of the hundreds of thousands I've been alive and not working), today was good. Way, way better than Friday. Even Saturday was okay. I got a new and improved fish tank, 18 gallons but taller instead of wider, I've been eyeing one of those for a while. It was cheap too since I can still use all my old hood and light and stuff from the last tank. So that's pretty sweet. And I get to do the interior decorating thing again, giving my fish a nice happy little living space. Woohoo... woo hoo hoo... I'm thinking of the song from Kill Bill vol 1... great soundtrack. I burned it and listen to it in my car and it makes me feel silly. I love that wacky easy listening Japanese music where there's just some chick singing in Japanese and some flute or something. Maybe I like it because I don't understand the words... I just imagine all the lyrics are really incredible and meaningful, unlike in the real world where lyrics are usually kind of stupid and meaningless. I like Japanese, if I were going to learn a language just for fun, it would be Japanese. Of course it wouldn't be any fun, but it's the one I'd most want to know for fun, silly purposes, as opposed to practical ones. Anyone that tells you that Spanish isn't the most practical language to learn is an idiot.

I guess after sitting in front of a computer typing for so long, I don't really feel like doing it right now. Buh bye.

04.23.04

Somehow I expected my life at this point would be different. I think when I was a little kid I figured I'd be married by now, with a baby on the way, a nice house, maybe a cool job. In high school I wised up a bit and figured I didn't want to be married with kids this soon, but I guess I figured I'd have somebody. I figured I'd find that perfect guy, "Mr. Right" some time after I got out of school, and we'd just be together for a long time and then get married when we felt like it, and it'd all be completely obvious and simple. We'd have a lot of barbecues, a lot of friends, maybe a puppy, some nice lawn furniture. Instead, I met a lot of "Mr. Wrongs" as they say, and now I'm 23, still in school, going to be in school forever, jobless, poor, and I have no life.

Y'know what I did tonight? Carried a ton of crap out to the curb, they're doing the large-items pickup in my neighborhood tomorrow. Hauling a bunch of crap down to a curb. Doing astronomy homework. Bitching about my life. Is this it? Is this really my life? Is this how Friday nights really are for me? Am I really that pathetic? I could've gone out drinkin', but I don't have any money, because I don't have a job. Even if I did have a job, I owe $500 to the IRS, $700 on a credit card, and I'm too scared to even compute what I probably owe to my mom. I couldn't even afford a life if one was presented to me.

Somehow I just figured things would be different. I'm pretty behind for my age. Most kids go to college right out of highschool, so they have a 4 year degree by the time they're like 22 or 23. I'm 23, not going to finish my 2 year degree until Christmas (in other news), and then I have 3 years after that to get the four year. I'll be like... turning 28 when I'm done with school. Five years behind most people. I may have experience if I can swing working while doing school full time, but I imagine I'll have to stick to part time. So I'll have these cool degrees but no job experience, and I'll be all old and shit. Twenty eight... a person should really be established by 28 with a job and a house, not just starting out. Twenty eight is like, a third or a fourth of your life down the drain.

Am I going to live at home until I'm 28? Will I still be living in this 10 by 11 room with the ugly wallpaper I picked out in highschool and my mom and three dogs? Will I still spend my Friday nights doing homework, and my Saturdays doing housework? Will I still be leaving clothes all over my floor like I was a teenager, never ironing anything, and wearing jeans and tennis shoes all the time? Will people still ask me if I'm old enough to apply for a credit card? Will I still only know how to cook macaroni and cheese and totino's pizzas? Will I have only a longer list of ex's things "didn't work out" with that all hate my guts? Will I still shed a tear every time I have to fill up my car with gas? Shitty, shitty life.

Shitty, shitty day too. I guess because I'm an idiot (you'd think that information would cease to take me by surprise at this point but it never does) I won't be finishing school this summer. With everything the way I had it laid out, I'd actually be 8 credits short of graduating. So I guess after much counselor consultation, I have a game plan, but it involves taking more credits this summer, testing out of a class this semester for credits, and then taking one last class in the fall to graduate. And to think, YESTERDAY I was sick of school. Well it's not that bad I guess, I had imagined having a slack summer so I could work, and then taking the fall off. Now I'll have a less slack summer, (a summer that may kick my ass if I can find a full time job), and then one last retarded CIS elective in the fall. I really, really want to be done with SOMETHING. Commitment is such a bitch.

To top off my not-so-good day, cleaning my 10 gallon fish tank I cracked it, in the lower left corner on one of the sides, so now it's completely useless. Unless I want to get frisky and make a terrarium. And so all my poor fish are just stuffed in a 2.5 gallon hex bowl indefinitely until I get paid for the temp work I've been doing so I can buy them another tank.

I didn't even realize the extent of the shittiness of my day or my life until right now typing all of this. Maybe my blog is not doing me so much good :D I'm gonna go to bed... and maybe Family Guy will be on. But probably not because the Friday night line-up on Cartoon Central is all screwed up. Oh hey... the X-Files with the invisible forest-dwelling body-collecting monster animal thing. Awesome. Gray skies are gonna clear up...

04.23.04

Y'know someday, Matt Groening will retire, and there will be no more Simpsons. Someday Matt Stone and Trey Parker will stop making new South Parks. Someday, there will be no hope of more seasons of Family Guy. MP3's will become impossible to download. Software will become impossible to pirate. All that we have will be all that we get. If you're not stockpiling right now, you should really start. Where will I be when all of this happens? I'm staying right here. I'm going to live in 2004 forever.

04.21.04

What bullshit. $104.80 in fees for my college for summer semester. To help fix their parking problem... to pay for student activities I'll never, ever have anything to do with, a bond fee whatever that is, and a charge because my Art class uses computers or something. Such whores. Makes up like 18% of my tuition for the two classes I'm taking, almost a fifth of fees. Absurd. I think they're going to charge me to get my actual degree too. Probably charge for the paper, the ink, some fancy leather holder thing I don't want, oh and to pay some silly admin to enter in my data... stupid lousy greedy college whores.

	TUITION(WC)SUMM1/ RESIDEN  
	STUDENT ACTIVITY FEE-WC/SUMM  - $19.60 
	PARKING MAINT. FEE - WC/SUMM  - $7.35 
	CC BOND FEE - WC/SUMM  - $30.00 
	PARKING BOND-WC/SUMM1  - $21.00 
	REGISTRATION FEE-NO REFUND Y  - $10.35 
	ART HIGH COST COURSE FEE-SUM  - $16.50 
			

Well, ANYHOW. I forgot whatever else I had to say. Probably wasn't important. Oh, I was going to talk about Mountain Dew Livewire, the orange stuff (that isn't Sunny D). It's great, not like other orange drinks. Plus it's got that satisfying rush of Mountain Dew amounts of caffeine. And when you're drinking it, since it's orange, you can pretend it's orange juice and that you're being healthy. Yeah, sad it's only around for the summer. And yes, what I had to say sure wasn't important.

04.20.04

They say what goes around comes around... now I know this to be true. I helped Mack fix his guestbook a while ago, and today he helped me switch my guestbook over from the old site to here. Thanks Mack! Live long and prosper. Let this be a lesson to everyone, its good to help people, because some day you may get some help back. And if you don't, then you can say the world "owes you big time". My guestbook is pretty ugly... guess that'll be next on the list of redesigns.

So I guess if all I have left to wear for underwear is a bikini, it's probably time to do laundry again. Clothing... what a pain in the ass. I'm looking forward to the future when we all wear uniforms like on Star Trek. Of course by then, the process of doing laundry would probably have greatly improved. Go figure. I wonder what toilets were like on starships? Can't recall ever seeing one. Hmm. I feel like I should be at the beach...

04.19.04

Monday, Monday. My job went okay, I actually really liked it. I didn't have to be on the bloody side of the operation, which is data entry. I was on the side where you get your own little cubicle and you just read forms and verify everything was entered in okay. Not real exciting, no, but on the upside the time really flies when you do that, which I would not have expected. So that's cool. Too bad I only get to do that for 16 more hours I guess. Go figure I like a job that only lasts a month.

Not much else to report. I'm sick of school. But that always happens near the end of the semester. I'd be a lot happier with school if the semesters were only 3 months each. That's about how long I can stay focused. After that, it's like, "What, are we still doing this crap?". They need to make a school for people with short attention spans. Of course I suppose most of those people don't go to school. They probably can't even get through all the paperwork. I say this as I glance at the 4th set of FAFSA forms I've got and not filled out. Paperwork is such a bitch. Maybe those people go to technical schools.

Tomorrow is Columbine's 5th anniversary, and I guess the media seems to think people care. Maybe people do care. I sure as hell don't. Maybe because in Colorado we hear the shit all the time. If I could I'd go back and kill Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris myself just to avoid all the obnoxious media that's come from the whole ordeal (I guess saving lives would be a side bonus to that). Stupid lousy media. Why don't they get hunted down more often? Speaking of media, I guess the NRA has made their own news network. How awesome is that? I wouldn't really expect unbiased news from them moreso than any other news media outlet, but I do like the idea of different takes on news from different types of organizations. Somewhere in the middle must lie the truth. Or at least something resembling it.

04.17.04

I did a lot of shit today. Let's see... got up at 9 (that's AM!). Watched Matrix Revolutions. Mowed the yard. Trimmed the hedges in the front yard - that actually involved a power tool, which I used without losing any appendages or cutting the electrical cord. Although there was one close call with the cord. Raked. Swept. Carried stuff up to the attic, carried stuff down from the attic. Watched the 2nd half of One Fine Day. Took a nap for an hour. Watched the 2nd half of Miss Congeniality. And now it's 9 in the pm. That's a full day for me. Got a sunburn on the back of my neck and tops of my shoulders (yes, making me an official redneck). I'm tired. What's important to note is that I did all of that work in an effort to dodge the mass amounts of math homework I have. I'd rather do manual labor than math... that's pretty bad.

I have to work tomorrow. At the blood place. I'm going to be very brave. I'm going to wear a labcoat and gloves, and I'm not going to drop any vials of blood and I'm also not going to get any weird diseases, because that'd just be stupid. I'm not going to think about blood. I'm just going to listen to the radio and not think about blood. Or the main blood-transferred diseases, Hepatitis B, C, or HIV. Should be fun!

I'm tired. Saturday night... the night is young... oh yeah baby, it's homework time.

04.17.04

Here is a list of things I've said I would do that I've wanted to do, but that I will never do. Probably incomplete.

1) I recently said I was going to analyze tv and study the commercials and the amount of time that is lost to them, in addition to looking in to what happens when an older show is stuck in a newer, smaller time slot. I will never do this.

2) Every so often I get mad at myself for being in such lousy shape, so I swear to do lots of situps every morning and start jogging. This won't happen.

3) Every so often when my teeth hurt I vow to brush 3 times a day. This will never happen.

4) Sometimes after doing all my laundry I think about how I'd like to be like Einstein and only wear one same outfit all the time, have a million of the same things so I won't spend so much time worrying about what I look like. I think I'll just give away all my clothes, all my makeup, all my curling irons, all that shit, and focus on more important things. The odds of this ever happening are probably slightly worse than me winning the lottery.

5) I like to think when I check out a bunch of books at the library that I will read every single one. The truth is I only sit down and read fiction, non-fiction bores the hell of out me no matter what the topic. I will probably never read another non-fiction book cover to cover.

6) I have made several attempts at sitting down and learning PHP, SQL, Flash as well. Yet I still don't know any of them. I like to think that I'm more driven and motivated than most people, and maybe I am with some things. Bettering myself through education though, is not one of them. Maybe it will be some day, but I don't really forecast it.

7) I have a continuous mental list going of stuff I'd like to change with this website, my unix section for example which is shamefully devoid of anything useful. In reality though, I can barely get the motivation to update a link on this page.

8) I've made elaborate plans to write scripts to automate a lot of shit I do with my business in the way of converting bad html to good html that I approve of. This will probably never happen. I'm bad at scripting because I never do it, and I never do it because I'm bad at it and everything takes me forever. This has proven true with math as well.

9) I've sworn on several occassions to spend more time with my family outside the immediate. But then another big holiday comes around, we all get together again, and I realize I went another year without doing that. Probably won't happen unless I get married or something.

9) I've wanted to take kung-fu classes forever, but I realize 1) I'm poor and I'd have to get a job and 2) that's actually a lot of physical work, and I know I'd quit. Sadly I will probably never follow up on that desire.

10) I used to care about things, things interested me and I was passionate. At some point that part of me died or I grew out of it, and now I care about very few things. I keep telling myself I should care about things, read the paper, get involved. I can no longer muster the slightest bit of interest in pursuits that aren't for me. Oh well.

11) I've wanted to learn more about Windows networking/admin shit for forever. I guess it will probably take forever to me to ever sit down and learn it. I remember when I was a teenager my mom bought a Sony Vaio, it was the first PC we owned, we were Mac people prior. I went through Windows 95 like I was on a quest for the holy grail. I learned what everything did, the purpose for every directory, I understood the file structure, I knew how to do just about anything. I dug around through that thing and I couldn't be stopped. I guess that was before I really had cable, now I just sit down at my computer and bullshit with other people on the internet for no purpose. My curiosity is gone, I can't be bothered to even look stuff up that I want to change until it bothers me for months. I've gotten really lazy in that respect. If my teenage self could see me now, my teenage self would kick my ass.

12) I say that I will write in-depth researched articles about things I care about, but then I remember I can't care about anything long enough to ever do that.

13) I've still never copied a successfully bootable disc the right way.

14) At the start of every school semester I think "This semester will be different. I'm going to be open and communicative, and I'm going to be outgoing, and I'm going to make friends and be involved.". Hasn't happened yet, probably never will.

15) I often think I'm going to start recycling. Hasn't happened yet.

16) Every year when summer rolls around I swear to do more stuff outside and actually get a tan. While I am sunburned today, somehow I suspect that this will not happen this year any more so than it's happened any other year.

17) Every time I watch a movie on tv, I get pissed about the number of commercials and swear I'll never watch another movie on tv again. But I still watch movies on tv. Same goes for shows.

18) I often think I'd like to write a book. I spend a moment thinking "Well what should I write about? What kind of characters will I have? What kind of plot will there be?". Then I get tired of thinking about it, and I realize I will never write a book.

19) I've sworn I would "move on" before. Because I'm sick of being the same person, in the same place, doing the same things, for so much of my life. But I haven't moved.

20) Every semester I think "I will read everything I'm supposed to this time" for classes. In reality I only read enough to get by, and what interests me. Then I'm frustrated when I don't know how to do things and don't understand things.

21) I make elaborate lists thinking they will help me, but they never do.

04.15.04

Happy tax day, all. I guess I only owe around $500 this year... that's pretty awesome. Make no money, owe no money. Of course that also means you have no money. I can see why bums might be jolly people though. I wonder what ever happened with that case in Denver many years ago, where some bum got decapitated? Or maybe they thought a bum decapitated someone. I don't remember. It's probably not important.

I'm learning about business write-offs. Right now I'm trying to get it to where I have so many write-offs I won't owe any taxes at all. Does that mean I'd have to spend like 30% of my profits back on my company? I'm not sure. What I'm wondering is whether, if you write off enough stuff, the IRS owes YOU money at the end of the year. That'd be sweet. Of course the sad thing about write-offs is that you have to have the money to begin with to buy what you want to write off, and then you won't actually see the advantage of such a system until next year. I guess they probably purposely make it that unfulfilling because they know people will be less likely to use it to its fullest that way. Those bastards.

Kill Bill Volume 2 comes out tomorrow. I'm planning on renting v1 if it's out, tonight. Quentin Tarantino was on American Idol last night, I watched about 5 minutes of it. I love Quentin Tarantino movies, but the guys kind of a fruitbag. It's weird someone that can make such great movies, that have such great music, really artsy stuff, can be such a total dork in real life. Well, he's a good director anyway, so I don't suppose it matters.

04.13.04

Well I got a temp job today. $11/hr, 8 hrs/day for 3 whopping days this month. If ye be attendin' the 9News Health Fair and filling out any forms, I juuuuust might enter your data (after the fact, from form to database). Of course I agreed to not tell anyone about it. That would be unethical. But I'll know. I'll know.

I guess I'll be handling vials of blood. I got a little sick reading all the stuff they screen for, a pamphlet. Who knows what seeing all that blood in little plastic vials will be like. Good time to conquer the fear I guess. Or go crazy. They were talking about how they spin the vials to separate red blood cells and serum or goo something and something else, and well, well, yeah that gives me the willies. Any time I think about blood or talk about blood or read about blood or disease, it feels like my blood slows down in my body. Then I just want to throw up and pass out. It's pretty cool... I'm looking forward to work.

Ooh... part 3 of a Justice League I've been watching. It may have been the first show, because they formed the Justice League at the end of it and Batman built a satellite to surveil Earth from. I guess Wonder Woman is from another planet? I don't know.

04.13.04

Y'know who doesn't get stabbed enough? Everyone. Everyone I don't like, anyway. People really annoy the hell out of me. I forget that sometimes, but then I leave my house and I have to interact with them, and then I remember why I'm such a recluse. I sat next to this chick at the Rockies game that literally kept an incessant stream of inane chatter going with her friend the entire game. Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak yak-yak-yak-yak. She'd only pause to come up for air on occassion. Where she gets her hair done. How she likes her hair done. What she thinks of her hair stylist. Her other friend, and what she thinks of the hair stylist. How her kids expect presents for Easter. "I'm like HELL-O... *I* never got any presents for Easter...". How she likes some sunflower seeds, but not other kinds. Real particular about her brands, this one. Not just any brand of sunflower seeds will please this one. There's a difference you know, the average consumer probably doesn't know that. I think if I would've stayed for much more of the game than I did, I probably would've ended up accidentally punching her teeth out.

I don't have a problem with people talking, I don't even care if you want to talk about stupid shit. At a Rockies game though, everyone around you has to listen to that shit. I think a lot of people operate outside that kind of awareness. Maybe she has no problem with being judged by everyone, maybe she's just a free spirit and other people's opinions of her don't determine the kind of personality she shows to the world. Or maybe she's just some ditzy bitch that needs to get stabbed in the face. Whatever. I'm sure she's a fine person, but boy does she suck to sit next to.

I guess a good chunk of the population is probably a lot like that chick. Oblivious or indifferent, either way, people that act like they're alone on the face of the planet really annoy me. You know they cut across lanes while driving... you know they don't signal, you know they don't wave when you let them in because they didn't notice you to begin with. They're the people that ask which way to something, when there's a sign right in front of them. They ask how much something costs when the price tag is on the shelf. They stand right in front of you when you're trying to read something. I hate oblivious people. I try very hard to not be one of those people.

Oh yeah... the game was okay. It was really cold, so we left early. But I brought my negativity home with me.

04.12.04

C++ makes me cry.

04.12.04

Recent updates:
Fish Section - Fish Stories
Gallery - new pics added, a few descriptions added
Added section Writings - will link to it from everywhere when I goddamn feel like it

I'm going to the Rockies opening day game tomorrow (or today, since we're 19 minutes in right now). That should be cool. Lots of fanfare, good food, hopefully a good game. I'll probably have to leave early for a math class, so I'm hoping the Rockies rack up a nice big absurd lead so I won't feel bad leaving. Man y'know what I love? I love it when shows make fun of other shows. Oh man. It's like my favorite thing. Next to all my other favorite things. Mmmmmm bunny. Chocolate bunny rather.

04.11.04

Everyone always talks about the "greenhouse effect" like its such a terrible thing. I'm a huge fan of it though, personally. You see, here in Colorado, I'm always cold. I hate wearing a million thick layers of clothes, I'm thin and I have bad circulation, and these three factors equate to me always being cold when it is at all cold in Colorado. I'm uncomfortable in anything under I'd guess about 68 degrees, maybe seventy. But I can't leave here any time soon. So I'd be okay with the temperature of the world going up overall. I'd love for Colorado to be more like Texas, that'd be awesome. I hate snow and cold, I don't think I'd miss it when it was gone. And think, the melting of polar ice caps. What's so bad about that? I'd love it if Colorado had a beach, that'd be sweet. If I can't go to the ocean, well then the ocean can come to me. That'd be so awesome.

Then Colorado would be just like California, without all the crappy laws. And slightly fewer Mexicans (but not many). I can't think of one bad thing about the greenhouse effect as it relates to me. Of course there's probably more to it, but I don't actually care to begin with, so that's as far as I'm willing to look. I wish they still sold Aerosol hairspray, I might change my hairstyle just to mack up the atmosphere quicker. Then I'd be a DOER.

04.11.04

Happy Easter I guess. Happy Jesus-doing-whatever-it-was-that-was-so-cool-today-day. Raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian private school, but I sure can't keep track of what Easter is for. Ash Wednesday... Lent... giving up stuff for 40 days... what's wrong with yeast? Religion is weird.

Added a few pictures to the recent section of my gallery, pretty slow Saturday. It's all snowy, so admittedly I try to avoid leaving the house. My car wants to stay clean, I can't help it. Shampooed a lot of carpet today. No, that's not some dirty lesbian slang, actually shampooed carpet. Can't say I accomplished much else, I don't really remember where my day went. Oh, watched "You've Got Mail". Yeah... I don't want to talk about it.

It's weird how actors always bring themselves to a movie, Meg Ryan for example. She's in a movie, and you know she's going to have this quirky, weird little personality because that's Meg Ryan. She'll be energetic, bouncy, but slump her shoulders sometimes, and go "Oh,", and pause a lot, the way she does. So it doesn't matter how the movie is written or what the chick is actually like, if Meg Ryan is playing the chick, the chick will be like how Meg Ryan acts, which is always the same, described only by Meg Ryan-ness. I guess that's okay, a lot of actors do that. Maybe even all of them. If I was an actor, I guess I would be like that too. Maybe I am an actor? "Oh...". Or maybe the parts aren't really written that detailed, and when they get an actor or actress to audition for a part, they just see what Meg Ryan brings to the table, and then that character just becomes Meg Ryan and that's okay. I don't know.

I'm going through a Neil Young phase right now. Neil Young songs are great because he's a storyteller. And the stories never make sense or go anywhere. I wish Neil Young was my grandpa. Assuming he's alive, I don't actually know (Neil Young I mean, I know my grandpa is alive). He's one rockin' old guy though. Not that my real grandpa isn't. My real grandpa would probably hate Neil Young though.

It must suck to have a last name like Young and be really old. Some guy in front of me at Walmart the other day made this joke. The cashier chick tells him his total like,"Forteen eighty-one.", and he's like "That's the year I was born" har har. I thought it was clever, but then I thought maybe that guy makes that joke every time he goes to Walmart, because he's an old guy and he's lonely. Then he talked about Alaska, had a hat with some pins on it. Was talking about how the US could've had Vancouver for like $700,000 but we didn't want it or something like that. Old guys... gotta love em. I guess me and Neil might get along okay... I tell a few random stories of my own. They're just not very amusing. "Grandpa's Interview" got a lot more interesting when Grandpa dropped dead... maybe I should've had the guy at Walmart drop dead in my story. Maybe next time.

04.08.04

I think I aggravated my carpal tunnel syndrome playing a game of air hockey. And I think I've become that person I'm embarassed to know. D'oh.

I updated my "Thoughts" section. Funny, to look at it you'd think I don't really have any thoughts. Yep. Daaaahhhhhhhh, ummmmm.

My most productive month yet at Jameson Designs... go me! Still need more work though. I'm thinking of standing on a street corner with a sign like people do for car dealerships and whatnot. That'd be free advertising since I wouldn't have to pay me. Maybe I should wear a bikini. I dunno if people would want their web design person to be some chick in a bikini on a corner, but maybe they wouldn't have to know it was me. Of course then they would just think I hired some chick to wear a bikini on a corner, which is kind of weird too. Tricky. Too bad I can't afford a real PR person, I'm lousy at it. If only being a business were only about making cool business cards.

I missed a lot of the second part of that Justice League I wanted to see. For some reason my computer clock was way off, which is a shame since I missed the first half of it. It was still awesome though. Superman wasn't dead, he just got sent to the future. And in the future, the world had been destroyed by a man that learned how to wield the power of gravity. He used it to control the world, but then he somehow threw the Earth off balance or out of orbit or something, and all of mankind save himself was destroyed. I missed the part about how he survived. We got to see a more human side of Superman, because for some reason he lost his powers. He grew a beard too, it looked good on him, very Jesus-like.

Anyway the guy that destroyed the world has just been sitting around reading for years and years, he may have become immortal somehow, not sure. He studied every subject he could, and managed to build a time machine. But he found out that he couldn't go back to any time where he already existed, so he couldn't go back and stop himself from destroying the world. But Superman figured out that since he was dead in that time, he could go back and stop the guy in time. So he did. Great episode, so well thought out, I guess we don't expect that much from cartoons any more. Maybe we should. I should give Superman more credit, he's not the dullard I remember from the first animated series I watched with him.

I'm going to go on an ebay selling spree soon, maybe tomorrow. I have a lot of stuff I could stand to get rid of, none of it particularly great, but if I managed to sell it all I'd have more closet space in addition to some more money, two very good things. I like selling stuff on ebay... I think it's a fun adventure. I like selling stuff in general I guess... I like having money show up in my account, and I like printing little shipping labels and receipts, and I like shipping stuff too. I'm a simple girl.

04.07.04

Y'know... I would have to say, that of all the animated superheroes, Batman has got to be the sexiest, and the coolest. Superman is okay, but he's such a choirboy. Sometimes you just wanna see some hardcore vengeance taking, even if it is wrong. And super powers are cool, don't get me wrong, but I'm a down to earth girl, I prefer good old fashioned ingenuity and invention to super powers any day. That's why I always liked McGyver.

Superheroes are on another plane really, its hard to judge everyone by the same standard. Batman shows us the good that men can do, achievable good. Superman just lets our imaginations take over, and he shows us what men's minds can create. But Superman isn't real like Batman. What would Superman be without his super powers? Just some ordinary, mild-mannered reporter. Without his powers, he wouldn't be anyone. But Batman, you can't take anything away from Batman. He's cool regardless. He's smart, cunning, clever, witty, and he gets by on guts and brains alone. When he goes into a fight, he might have the advantage of training and experience, but its still a relatively level playing field. Its cool to see Batman fight, because the outcome isn't always predecided, because the fight isn't always totally unfair. With Superman, he can only legitimately fight evil super villains, he can't fight the normal everyday average bad guy, because it wouldn't even be a real fight.

Batman isn't really better than Superman, they both have their place. But if you're like me, and you keep your feet firmly planted in reality (or you like to imagine that you do), Batman is your super hero. He deals with the real side of life, real bad guys and real threat. Superman is for when you'd like to get away from reality for a while. He has his place, they both do, but if I had to choose one to be MY hero, it'd definitely be Batman. Even though Superman can fly.

All of this is to remind me to watch the Justice League tonight, because last nights was a two-parter. The Justice League thinks Superman is dead (fools!) but Batman knows better, and he's going to prove it.

04.05.04

Ah, Monday. Well, here's some fun information (for me). Remember Anna on the O.C., the girl with the short hair that Seth went out with for a while, but that moved back to Philadelphia? She was the cool one. Well, she was on an episode of X-Files they showed last night that I hadn't seen mocking the show Jackass (their version was called Dumbass). I just happened to think it was quite novel, I like it when people from shows I watch regularly pop up in other places. It makes the world seem just a little smaller. Wow and wouldn't you know it, she's 4 days older than me. Wait no. Okay TVtome.com says Samaire Armstrong's birthday is October 1st, 1980, and she was born in Sedona, Arizona. But IMDB says she was born October 31st, 1980, in Tokyo, Japan. Slight discrepency there. Okay, well her personal webpage says she was born October 31st, 1980, in Sedona, Arizona. So I guess IMDB is wrong. I think they're wrong about Harrison Ford also... they should really work on that. Don't they know they're my number one source for movie related crap?

The last Matrix movie comes out tomorrow... which is exciting for me because I failed to see it in the theater. I hope you're as excited as I am, despite the reviews. I hate reviews.

Here's the question of the day. Why do shorts cost the same as pants? It's summer, pants are getting phased out of the stores in favor of shorts, but where lengths change, amount of fabric changes, amount of labor changes, the price does not change. Shorts overall are not cheaper than pants. What does this mean? Does this mean that fabric is dirt cheap and all we're being charged is labor (and markups)? But there's less labor involved, shorter stitches and all, even if some machine is doing all the stitching. I don't get it. Clothing retailers are bastards, I'm going to assume that's the key to that little mystery. I'll show them, I'm just going to cut off all my pants for summer, and I'm going to keep the legs, and I'm going to sew them back on when it gets cold again. Gotta fight the power.

Y'know what's really been pissing me off recently? Commercials. I'm not a big tv fan, but sometimes I catch a movie I like or a show I like on tv and I actually sit down to watch it. That's a mistake of course. Remember when there were commercials about every 15 minutes or so? So for an hour long show, you'd have commercials every quarter. And it would be like three or four. Then it got to be more like four or five. Five or six, six or seven. Well now you just have more breaks in general.

Watching The X-Files on Channel 7 last night (what is that, NBC? who can remember), I was paying attention to the commercial breaks a little because I had nothing else to do. The X-Files is an hour long show, or that's the time slot it gets anyway. It started at 12:30 MST. There was a commercial break at 12:37. There was a commercial break at 12:48. There was a commercial break around the half hour mark. Then there was another at 1:08, and the show was over at 1:20. So about every 11 minutes there was a break that had about four commercials. That's a pretty loose guess. Anyhow, that bothered me. That's a lot of breaks, and that's a lot of commercials. But what I'm wondering is whether it's more than it used to be (which I'm going to guess it is), and if so by how much. I'm going to do a study on it, and I'm going to post my results. Then I'm going to stop watching tv. I say that all the time, but I think after this study I will probably be more compelled. I'm also going to see how they fit older shows that were longer into their new scheme, I've heard rumors of scene cutting and things like that, so I'm going to look into that and see if that's true. That'd be a damn shame for a show like the X-Files, if they just went through and axed stuff they didn't feel was important. That stuff really bothers me, something about artistic vision I guess.

I think if I had to guess I'd say they did studies that measured how long people were willing to sit through a set of commercials before they either wandered off or changed the channel. I think they must've learned that people can't stand real long breaks, but they can stand shorter breaks more frequently. Makes sense anyway. I understand the need for commercials. But I also see the problem. Commercials pay for the tv, so the tv show can be cooler, and then the cooler the show is, the more money the commercials cost and earn for the network. Okay. So the more money the network makes, the better the shows can be, right? But when does the amount of commercials start ruining the show? I think it's pretty borderline right now.

It reminds me of how houses keep getting built here even though our state faces huge traffic issues. They get built because people are greedy and want money. There's so many commercials because people are greedy and want money. At some point it becomes a lot more about making money than getting by, which I suppose is understandable. The sad thing is that both our state and tv go to shit, there's some people with money, but the rest of us are just kind of miserable and we have nothing to show for it all. Sad. And not a whole lot you can do except vote, move, and stop watching tv.

04.03.04

The glorious return of daylight savings time. My astronomy teacher asked "Are we really saving any daylight?", and I laughed, because I knew I would never, ever look it up to find that out. My astronomy class... it makes me feel so dirty. Its online, so there's this bulletin board. We're required for points to post at least 5 messages on this bulletin board each week before midnight on Saturday. So every Saturday at like 20 minutes till, I sit down and spout out five messages of complete, utter bullshit. We're not graded on quality (luckily) or even relevance, which is cool, because that would really piss me off. But I still feel so dirty doing it.

I look at whatever everyone else has posted, not even the full thread just the very last message of it so I have some totally incomplete view of what the thread is about, and then I just add this absurd little comment onto the end because I know the whole week of threads is going to be closed after my remarks. I talk about aliens, X-Files, Star Wars and the force, shows on tv I saw commercials for but didn't watch, its so undignified. Not to mention dishonest. But what can a teacher that forces participation expect from a crappy student like me? I don't participate well, ask any teacher I've ever had. Most of them probably won't recall ever hearing me speak, let alone participating in some shit I don't care about. They're lucky I bother to show up.

The sad thing about it is the whole forced atmosphere. It makes me sick kind of to think that my teacher somehow sees this as something positive, something good. The trite little fake conversations, the false interest, I'm convinced 90% of that stuff there is said with the same lack of interest I say my stuff, at least I don't pretend to care like everyone else. They say the corniest shit. I imagine a teacher probably gets a power trip over something like that, their ability to make everyone totally sell themselves out for their shitty class. My teacher, well... its not nice to talk bad about people behind their backs. So I'm not going to do that. But I could sure imagine her being real pleased with herself in that situation. Something bad could happen to her, and I would not necessarily be upset.

Well I dyed my hair again. Yeah, I kind of have a problem with that. I'm not particularly pleased with the outcome. The color... how would I describe this color? I would use the word "corpselike" I think. Meant to be light brown, it had the best of intentions. Really it did. Oh well, I suck. I'm going to bed. Down goes the Nyquil... out goes the Sarah.

04.02.04

Well I just finished watching Blade Runner... hadn't seen that before. Wow, just looked up Mr. Harrison Ford, he's like 63? I read it in four different places and I still don't believe it. So I guess that movie came out when I was two years old. Harrison Ford and me are 38 years apart. I can't even think of the guy as that old, I really can't. I'm just going to forget that I ever knew that. I feel so disillusioned and etc.

I watched Mona Lisa Smile tonight with my mom. Boy that was... somethin. I'm not sure when it happened, but I think at some point, people that write movies stopped really writing stories and instead just started writing movies. Movies used to have characters that were developed, they took the time to show you the characters so you'd feel more involved with a story, you'd be more attached, you'd understand the conflicts, and there would be these well developed conflicts. They don't do that any more.

I've seen so many new movies and they've all had this same problem, I guess probably for years now that I think about it. Its like the writers think the viewing audience doesn't care anyway, so its a waste of time to put forth any real effort. Or maybe they're just trying to push storylines out the door as fast as possible. Maybe people just aren't any good at writing any more. Maybe the writers know even utter drivel will still earn billions, because people will watch anything, and they'll pay any amount, and they'll sit through any amount of shit, stand in any line, put up with anything, because they want more than anything else in the world to be entertained. I don't know what it is. I'm not even sure that's an accurate observation on my part, maybe I'm just getting older and wiser and I've realized that movie characters seem more flat and shallow to me now because I'm old enough to see it and understand it. I don't know what it is, I just know that it makes me really sad. And it makes me not want to have kids ever. Tragic, I'm sure.

Anyhow what I was getting at was that Mona Lisa Smile was completely and utterly pointless (that probably didn't actually need stating, but no matter). I like Julia Roberts, I'd consider myself a fan. She's pretty cool and I wouldn't want to say anything bad about her, that movie probably would've sucked a lot more with a lot of other actresses in her place. A shame though she had so little to work with.

We're meant to believe she's some kind of inspirational teacher to all these chicks in the 50's that think its awesome to get a college degree while they're waiting around for some guy to propose to them so they can get married and be housewives for the rest of their lives. A fine point to make, surely. Sadly, they did nothing with her- she was an art history teacher with unconventional methods (so we're told), who is very verbal about politics (so we're told) and totally anti-marriage (again we're told), and she's shaking everything up, which I guess is all the writers felt we needed to see. The characters were okay I guess, and the story was okay, but the whole thing was really just mediocre as hell. I miss the days of character development.

I guess I expect too much from people that are making so much money to do their job. Pathetic and sad. Yet I'll watch another movie just like it, and it'll disappoint me too, and I'll watch another, and another, and I'll keep watching them, as I continue to feed the beast that's killing me. That's only a slight exaggeration. That movie cost $4.09 to rent. What a travesty.

04.01.04

Well wow, what a spectacular launch this site has had. 5 MBs of traffic in 3 days? Unheard of for me. I knew that huge rotating banner would do the trick. We'll see how long that lasts before I have to get rid of it for bandwidth concerns. Of course half of that traffic is just me reloading the page to see the next pretty picture. I should really get over it. But I think instead I'll just take more pictures.

More great news for me, going to get paid again. Getting paid for work you did a long time ago is totally awesome, because you can say "Finally I'm being appreciated!" and it is almost true even if just for a moment in time.

Having a new site, its like moving into a new house. I'm still really excited, although I've had webpages enough now for the newness to have worn off. But I'm still excited. I think I'm living a small part of my dream, or one of them. See, one of my big dreams in life is to design my own house, from floorplan to fixtures, get it built, and decorate the whole thing. I would love to be able to do all of that, to have the money and the talent. Quite the dream, I know. Well, moving to a new webspace that I get to build is kind of like building a house. I get to decide where I want the view to go, how I want everything to work. I'm kind of an architect. An architect without all the education and math skills. Yeah, I like thinking of it that way. If I can't build my own house, then I can make a big fake one and design everything however I want it. Maybe that's what I've been doing all along? Maybe all this time I've just been trying to satisfy some inner-architect in me? Probably not, but it sounded good for a moment there.

The weather has been great here, although its about to go to shit again for a few days. But that's okay, because I've been appeased. Today was perfect, upper seventies, a slight breeze, couldn't complain. Or I couldn't have complained until my car got hit with a rogue shopping cart in a parking lot and I got a cold. That almost had me down, the new scratch on my driver side door especially. But then I found a new fishbowl on sale for $2.15 for my betta, and he's going to grow a longer tail because its bigger, and after that I knew everything was going to be okay. Everything IS going to be okay.

And tomorrow is another day. All the stuff that annoyed me today is going to be forgotten, and I'll have new things to worry about. I'll get lots of sleep and I'll wake up nice and early after a night full of dreams, because for some reason that's what I do now. I'll have plenty of work to keep me busy during the day, and then I'll probably do some astronomy homework and lay around and watch movies all night. Then I'll write another entry here, the same way I've been doing for years now, and I'll imagine that even after I'm gone I'll still have a lot of shit to say, and I will worry about who is going to write it all.

03.31.04

Well today was a great day. Made some money, got some stuff done, ran some errands, had some Taco Bell for dinner. That's all I'm askin' for. If you haven't ever seen Cannibal the Musical, you should see it. Made by the creators of South Park, loved by faithful fans like me. Great music... even if you're not too much into musicals. I dunno why I bring that up... I haven't seen it in like 4 years or something. I guess its a testament to its greatness if I'm still singing the songs from it 4 years later.

I think its going to be an interesting season on South Park. It looks like they're finally getting more creative with their animation. I'm not sure what to think about that. I always liked how all the character's facial expressions were really simple, it was their charm. I guess this new style will take some getting used to, but that's the same with everything. They say you know you're getting old when you dislike change. I dunno if that applies to cartoon animation styles or not though. The fact that I'm watching cartoons at my age kind of implies I'm still a ways off from getting old. Or that I'm a halfwit. Either way.

Speaking of cartoons, I'm pretty happy with Teen Titans. At first I thought it looked like crap, but I guess I think everything looks like crap before I actually watch it. Sealab 2021 looks like crap, but its actually really funny. I didn't think XMen Revolutions would be any good, but its alright. A lot of those Cartoon Network shows do suck, but not all of them. Don't judge a kids cartoon by the commercials. Unless the commercials are really, really bad. Watch Teen Titans anyways, its pretty funny, the characters are good, and the storylines are interesting and creative. Unlike the PowderPuff Girls. They can rot in hell... a fluffy, fluffy pink hell.

Isn't it awesome when you find out famous people came from your state? Your lame, lame losery state? Jake Lloyd, "Anakin Skywalker" in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace is from Fort Collins, and this random guy that I didn't recognize from Bride of Chucky is from Wheat Ridge. Hard to imagine anyone ever making it out of Wheat Ridge... good for him. Too bad he's still kind of a loser. What originally spawned this line of thought was that the goth freak in Bride of Chucky also happens to be George from The Wedding Singer, y'know, the guy that sings the Thompson Twins "Hold Me Now" and is Adam Sandler's backup singer/keyboard guy (also coincidentally a freak in that movie). The guy makes a great freak, what can you say. What spawned THAT thought was that the mp3 came up on my playlist and I remembered seeing that guy in the 5 minutes of Bride of Chucky I watched last night. Now you know how my brain operates. Its amazing I ever get anything done.

Correction 04.01.04: George in the Wedding Singer actually sings "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" which is by Culture Club. Who knows how I mixed those two songs up, I guess they're both really gay.

03.30.04

Today marks the glorious unveiling of Nevernevernet. Okay, it might not be that glorious. I imagine about 1/3 of the links work, there are entire sections missing, and broken pictures abound. However, I will get all that sorted out eventually. For now just update your bookmarks, close your eyes, and dream of the better days to come. That's what I'm going to do anyway. I'm sure that stuff will just fix itself.